Monday, August 22, 2005
Well wat do you know?
It seems that all has fallen into place and settled pretty nicely
Long story short:
He wants me after all
And i'm almost grateful of that
Makes me sound like i'm a desperate bitch
but hell no
I just cannot accept the fact that he can actually just brush me off after 2 years of relationship just because of this 3 weeks stress and pressure from his school
Of course i understand his pain but i'm willing to stand by his side yet he just casually pushed me aside like i dun mean anything to him
And that hurts a lot
But all's well ends well now
He understood that he was being selfish and all and in fact wants me to give him a chance
I can't say no to that...
I'm glad the fog is being cleared off now
What i am most grateful of is his mum's words
Who constantly informed him that i am a nice girl la
And reminded him amidst him worrying bout his studies that i was so happy when the letter of acceptance was sent over la
And also also that i was a much better gf than his ex!!
Wahahahahaha~
So proud and touched by her words tat i cried when he told me
But heck i was in such a fragile mood at that time that i can cry just by probably eating the food there...
Anyways Anyways
Let's just leave this behind and continue to celebrate our 2 yrs 2 mths bah!
~Muackie
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Hua whispers at |3:34 PM|
Friday, August 19, 2005
Apparently everything has gone wrong...
He doesn't want me anymore...
~Happy 2 years 2 mths~
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Hua whispers at |10:23 AM|
Wednesday, July 27, 2005
School
He's just started school and man he has no time for me i'm sure in future
On the first day it was still okie, at least he msged me a few times
But of course he didn't have the courtesy to inform me that he was out with his new found frens from the orientation camp for lunch before going off to make a new student ezlink card...
Seriously i dun wish to delve deep into his personal life but hey i'm part of his personal life right?
And he's always like somewhere i dunno at times
Wat he respond to that sentence?
"It's not that i dun tell you but i dun think it's necessary to say every single place i go to including toilet right?
Hello?? I'm not even talking bout minor stuff like that but at least inform me that hey other than being in school, you are actually out of it and enjoying your time with your frens!
I actually called him and incidently found out bout that...
At night i called him and we talk for a while
After which there were moments of silence and i heard typing
He said he was scheduling his timetable for the rest of the semester
Oh for crying out loud he's been doing that since weekends!
Does it take that long?
I asked if he's not free then dun talk so he apologise
Seriously there's the prob, if he's busy, can't he just say it firsthand?
Do i always need to ask?
Haiz so i hung up
No worries no quarrel
Yesterday was okie cuz i went to the movies with my parents so i dun need to hear things like he's busy
Today, he msged me in the morning and early afternoon and that's all
Just when i was wondering wat had happened i remembered he had bbq with his new frens
and all the while till night he didn't give me a msg
Really heartbroken
So much fun
I would have at least say something like dear i'm going for the bbq now, you take care or something
I dun even deserve that now right?
We shall see what happens
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Hua whispers at |9:14 PM|
Wednesday, July 13, 2005
upset again
Kinda feeling sad at the moment
Actually when he came back from camp i made a big hussle
Cuz he initially told me that he was suppose to be out by 5pm, later which it was to be postpone to bout 10pm plus as he wanted to go have dinner with his group members
i told him that i'll be at his place by 11pm then which he agreed
But by then he told me to go to his place first as he was just on his way home on a cab
I mean i was obviously not in his mind right that he had to take a cab back to rush home
Having too much fun with his new found frens?
I didnt reply him till he reached home
When i finally decided to go to his place
He stopped me from going bathing just to talk things out and i sobbed and i cried and i wailed
He informed me that he understands why i'm pissed and i have the right too
And that he wanted to tell me that the camp ended really late that's why he was late
I was about to think i had maligned him but after some questioning i had only realised that he meant that he ended late but still went on with the dinner at marche...
He reached there at 8pm he said
I threw more tantrum
There's tons of time to eat and get home on time right??
Then when he realised what i was pissed at
He said there was a long queue and only went in by 9plus
WTF???
Does't it sound just like an excuse to you??
Then he went on to pacify me
It was long after which i decided to give it a rest
Later which when he told me the events he had to do with his secret partner
I was especially bummed out
First he had to talk to his Secret partner blindfolded
and ppl around made him hold her hands and hug her shoulder
for a while at least
He had to feed her food using mouth to mouth, he can bloody feel her breath
He even had to sing her a song in public
And they played this game together where they had to dance on a piece of newspaper where it was suppose to be folded to smaller pieces as the music continues
So they had to hold on to each other closer
and they were facing each other while most of others were not
Meaning chest to chest breathing down each others neck
I'm getting too upset to talk bout this....
Anyways that was done and i doubt they will see each other again.... or not
And he went out with his group mates today for a gathering at sentosa
He sounds like he had fun and i sound like i'm jealous
I dunno why i was upset though i know i can trust him to behave
But that kind of behavior with his SP?
It may be for play but, it should have its limits right?
Upset
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Hua whispers at |11:07 PM|
Thursday, July 07, 2005
Why Do You Always Give Excuses?
I'm fugging angry now
Yesterday he didn't msged me for the whole entire day
As if it's not bad enough, this morning when he finally did
He filled me in on how busy rushing around he was and at night 1.30am still rush back home to get some stuff, and that he didn't have his phone ard him the entire day cuz he was getting dirty
Fuck if he had that much time to give me excuses why dun he think of ways to pacify me??
He did apologise intially but not without putting up his excuses
I mean how lame can that be?
You can always msg me at night, on your way home or when you're bout to sleep
He obviously just conveniently forgot bout it cuz he was "
rushing" around
Yes in this case i would mean conveniently forgetting bout me too.
In furthermore he should know how insecure i am with him going to this freaking camp and him having that freaking secret partner.
But no, he just had better things to do then to just msg me
He's always doing such stuff, always too busy to msg me, always say when he's engrossed in something such as in NS, he wun even go pee.
He can say whatever he wants then, it's not like i can do anything bout it
Freaking pissed off
I just dun like ppl to give excuses when the excuse is just not good enough!!!
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Hua whispers at |7:45 AM|
Tuesday, July 05, 2005
Happy Sha La La La
He can be such a sweetie at times
That baka bf of mine...
This morning 3.40am i received a msg from him
He apologised for making a mess out of the photos that he sent me
And he said he love me before "tucking me into bed"
Wah how to get angry like that??
This morning on my way to work i even msg him
"Hugz, I love you"
Well i know i know....
I know i mentioned earlier that i wouldn't contact him for a week
But i still did
How not to right??
And after which on my way to work in the morning he even called me leh!
But i was too busy listening to my mp3
So i didn't get it the first time round
I just happened to see a missed call and call him back
And i've gotten to know when i enquired why he had to wake up that early when he slept so late
Apparently it was to catch me in the morning and unfortunately i was unavailable~
Snort
We had a nice chat and i told him bout what my colleague said
He of course teased me bout that and said that i better listen to what my colleague has to say
well i know better that he's just jesting
But he better be just jesting...
In the meantime i shall just relax a bit and give him and myself some space
Better not get so stressed up on something that won't happen or at least hasn't happen..
Smiles
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Hua whispers at |3:54 PM|
Monday, July 04, 2005
Will He Still Love Me?
My first entry for this blog!
I do have another blog and that is meant for everything that this blog isn't
I wanna talk bout my love life more freely and openly without jeoperdising myself
My bf and friends won't be able to view it ya see
So i won't have to worry bout them seeing what i really feel bout my love regardless of happiness, sadness or anger
And today we shall start with a bit of anger and sadness
My bf has just went to his uni orientation camp today
He won't be back till Saturday so technically i will have the whole week free
but being very dependent on him unlike what most ppl might think
I will obviously feel very alone
I'll miss him alot but of course life goes on
I'll probably have to deal more of it when school starts so i might as well get used to it
Fact is i know deep down in my heart that gals are bound to be aplenty and younger and prettier and more curvacious than me in uni
But all i'm thinking is for my bf to be happy and less stressed up bout his newfound school life and the work involved
However my colleague kept warning me after knowing that he's going to this camp
That me encouraging him to go to this camp might just be the regret of my life blah blah blah
and many exaggerating comments of course in which i would just normally wave off
But it did get me thinking though
Not really bout the gals at first but maybe about being neglected at worse
Later in the day when i was trying to download some photos my bf sent me from out last outing
I got stuck as he sent half of it using doc file which i couldn't save the pic individually
i would probably have to do it the troublesome way which is to copy it to Paint and save it from there.
Haiz...
With my colleague pushing me the whole day on to call my bf on his whereabouts
I finally did call to enquire how i was suppose to save the pic
(I didn't think of copying over to another program initially)
The reaction i got from his was classic
Him: Hello, what?
Me: Hey i'm sorry but are you busy at the moment?
Him: YES i'm BUSY at the moment... Can you just msg me??
Me: ......................
Okie it doesn't really sound like a big deal now
But when you have a colleague who is egging you on to keep calling him and telling you disastrous things that would happen when he's in uni
You would react the same too
Pissed off
I mean i did apologise did i not??
I know it might not be a good time too but it was evening time so i assumed he might be having his dinner at that time
And that is all i get..........
I was really pissed and angry
I already had all the air bubbles popping up with all the horrible imaginary future we are bout to embark on and it's freaking pissing me off!
Honestly, he's been really good to me, the nicest in fact
Constantly giving in to me when necessary always making me happy when i'm down/pissed
Obliging to my food needs (i love my food...)
Though i have been slacking in terms of all these recently
I don't think i have been all that bad
He seems happy enough whenever he's with me so that should be a good indication right??
But if he ever, EVER thought of cheating on me, neglecting me for long term, or breaking up with me
I won't really know what to do ..............
It's definately gonna be heartbreaking
I won't know how to deal with it for sure
And i'll probably lose all hopes on men
I sure hope that wun happen cuz i love my men~
Haiz
And now?
It's 9.30pm and he has yet to msg me
And all i can think of is that he is freaking busy enjoying his camp to give me a cursory greeting
What to do?
I thinki shall just ignore all his future msg and calls for the week
I'll reply as and when i want then
cuz i honestly think he can at least give me a short msg during dinner or something after what sounded like me being angry at him when i called him earlier
If he didn't even realise that, then that's really at his disadvantage...
I really hate him for this...
I hate it when he gets all this freedom and all the bevy of gals
He'll probably really neglect me for sure this time round...
Not just for this camp of course but for the entire uni life
The last time he had his freedom after NS
He almost broke up with me cuz i was quarreling too much with him due to my insecurities...
Or rather he did so, just that we made up a few days later
Thus i dun want the same thing to happen ever again....
Not ever...
I don't wanna lose everything cuz he's my everything.....
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Hua whispers at |9:03 PM|
